Goals…. always growing….

I haven’t been doing this long, but I feel an improvement with the goals I’ve set myself. I’m not saying I’ve reached them all, if any in fact. But I’ve always been a planner….not a doer…
Seeing my thoughts and aims on paper, the written word, has helped elevate my motivation. Seeing it out there, for others to see gives me a kick up the bum. It’s almost a revelation. This energy is something I’ve been searching for, for a long time.
It still doesn’t make the achievement of these goals any easier however. With the daily battles, fought – sometimes won, sometimes lost. The war continues. It is however, easier to see the two as separate entities – goals and little victories versus battles lost and won. The singular line in which I thought I followed has evolved. Parallel, though sometimes foggy, each line can be worked on through victory or defeat. The one doesn’t have to stop the other….
This being said, through the struggles it is hard to un-fog these lines to see any at all. But I’m getting there. Just the other day, that feeling of impending doom loomed over me like a stink bomb. Usually it would hit, no warning, head instantly fighting and battling for clarity. This day it gave me a heads up, a miniscule window in which to visualise those two lines. Setting myself a task, tablet and keyboard at the ready. Write a full chapter of my novel. No interruptions. No mind f#@kery….
I was somewhat successful, using the torment inside to create a similar vision on paper. My fight put onto a character, into a scene. Setting a new path, a new outlet for those horrible feelings to be dispersed.
As happy as I was with the chapter, my mood and fight still ran wild. One of those beautiful little victories almost hidden, but forever on a page. How I did it, I’m not quite sure. But I’m proud of myself for doing so.
A big goal I’ve set myself is to become healthier, look and feel better, and most importantly – find those foods that benefit my mental health (I’ve been rabbiting on about it in previous posts). This one may be tricky to continue working on through tough times but I’m determined to give it a go. Use it to fuel a workout or run with the pooch. It’s easy to say ‘just get up and do it’. Can I really achieve this? We shall see…

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