Accepting failure….

Is failure truly what it implies? A feeling of defeat, frustration and nonfulfillment. The dictionary would have you believe so. With the word ‘failure’ such a prominent word in today’s society, it’s time to approach the word and it’s incurring feelings in a completely different way. Why not put a tag on it, flag it as a word that no longer means the same in your vocab!
Failure is a means in which to build upon. To train ones mind to view a single word among thousands as something new should be easy, right? The answer is yes. Don’t hold on to your failures, either let them go or use them to grow as a person. A simple train of thought, ‘you can never fail, only learn and improve’.



Fitting it all in….

The general consensus is that eating well, frequenting the gym and general focus on oneself is time consuming and there aren’t enough hours in the day. Whether that be from those of us who go out to work, work from home, or even those who have zero work obligation. The thought that there is no time in which to grow as a person, focus on numero uno, is frightening to me. To have a ‘selfish’ few hours, even an hour isn’t a lot to ask in my opinion. Because in turn it will be a ‘selfless’ act! Being in a better mind space, a happier you will benefit those around you and your presence around them in this better state will, in turn, boost your drive to become better.
‘Better’ is a pit of vast variation. By better I don’t mean a superhero, an aesthetic god/goddess, or the reincarnation of Buddha! It’s not about looking better, but feeling better. Interacting better. Holding yourself better. And I repeat ‘FEELING’ better, a smile plastered on face no matter the task at hand. A lifted – even transcended – mind, body and soul!
Any who, I digress….
It’s about time management, ignoring unwritten rules, timetables and regimes. This isn’t to say your inner rebel has to break free and conquer. No no no. It’s about being aware of the time you have for ‘you’. An hour for lunch isn’t just an hour……an hour is as long as it is……60 minutes……3600 seconds. No matter how you take it apart an hour is an hour. But it’s a hell of a lot longer than your ‘lunch break’ thinking will let you believe.
A study I have been reading suggests breaking it down to 10 minute increments, manage smaller numbers. The idea is to plan each increment; eat for 10, get to the nearest gym in 10, workout for 20 (you’ll be surprised what you can accomplish), shower for 10 and get back to the grind in 10. A basic example.
Challenge yourself to make the most of every minute in a day. Make meals in advance or have a written idea of what you want to do/accomplish in a day. Personally I haven’t quite achieved perfection in this experiment but I am seeing positive results.
Overnight oats with an array of fruits was a revelation to me. I knew my breakfast was waiting for me, healthy, full of micro and macronutrients for the start of my day. I set myself an average 8 hour work day. Writing for 3 in the morning, grinding out whatever I could, whether I used it or not. A 15 minute break, I made a spiced tuna, avocado and asparagus wrap ready for my lunch. In this break, the fun wasn’t over however, I whacked YouTube on and watched something to make me chuckle and lift my spirits. Back to the keyboard, a further 2 hours of word spewing and eye squinting. Tuna wrap here I come! Polished off in a matter of minutes, I had 56 left of my hour. After taking the dog for a run, shattered and soggy, 37 minutes were remaining. Now it just so happens, this is where my productivity waned. A 10 minute shower turned to 20 and the remaining 17 were pissed away doing nothing. Granted in some cases this would be fine, a bit of chill time is great in fact. So maybe this was a success, maybe it was just what I needed before getting back to the grind.
For the remaining 3 hours, plus a few extra voluntary, I wrote some of the best work I’ve done to date, including a previous post and more than a few chapters of my ongoing novel. What I’m trying to get across is that no matter how little time you have or even too much time on your hands, look for the positives in doing zilch if that’s what you do, but utilise or see the benefit from every minute in a day whether filled or chilled. Appreciate that, again, it’s all a work in progress. Whether you wing it or plan, put the mental effort in to get the most out of your day. Highs and lows are inevitable but at the end of the day, an hour isn’t just an hour, it’s an HOUR !

A year & a half, still healing…

Two years is creeping up and I have mixed feelings with my progress…
Today is a bad day….struggling to see the point.

Thinking back to those months up to and that day itself scares the bejesus out of me. Memory of the events has long been blurry, but the intense feelings haunt me. Nightmares and twisted dreams that I’m back there, choosing a different path for my recovery, having hit bottom only to fall deeper. Even vivid flashes of my possible demise.

After being offered a bed on the psychiatric unit or daily out patient treatment, I chose to be with my brother. My idol, my voice of reason and his calming presence, a place I felt safe. My mum and brother, rocks amongst the boggy terrain I found myself in. My mum was/is a constant strength, keeping me afloat, my head above the surface as I involuntarily tried to draw myself deeper.

Daily visits from the emergency home care team a saviour, like David to my Goliath like mind fog and torment.

But where have I come?? How can I rate my progress of healing?? Am I failing at moving forward?? How far should I have come?? Questions I dare not ask other than rhetorically. Does anyone even have the answers I seek with trepidation?

I guess I should view any progress as positive…..yes? Maybe….I don’t know. The line in which I try to follow to get better, be better and feel better is still a littered mess.

Looking back, I do see a difference but the road continues to curve and twist, potholes a plenty. I go days now, even weeks of happy smiley me. Tis good. I guess this is why I question my journey on low days…..why the vast separation between good and bad, smiles and frowns?

Hopefully one day the answers will be there. The solutions will illuminate themselves and a peaceful brain will prosper…