From fruitful colour to baron beauty….

Autumn has truly kicked off, marking a time of preparation. The garden in need of taming, frost prevention and bird feeders filled with good fats, mealworms & tasty seeds. Ready for the birds to plump up before the inevitable snow and to keep them going throughout.

This time of year may mark the decline of greenery and blooming flowers, but the auburn shades are atmospheric and delightful. Subtle changes from oranges to browns tower overhead and crinkle underfoot, a simple sensory moment, perfect for painting a smile on your face. And cooler temperatures only make the heart warming food that little more delightful!

Enjoying every element of my surroundings of late, is helping me no end. Watching leaves fall, listening to birds chirp and that special something in the air, just might make this time of year my favourite.

Here’s to savouring the simple things. Seeing the beauty in the things we can’t control. Smiling at a colour, a sound, a smell. Wonderful simplicity….

A beaming light….

Weeks of torment behind me once again. It comes to a point, when I start to wonder what it’s all about? As if it is just the norm, to have good times followed by bad, only to start the cycle over again. When does it all become a tedious process, never to be broken?

A beaming light shining midweek, signalled the end of the downward, sleepless spiral. Granted, sleep isn’t all tikitiboo, but sleep has been had. The shining light, iridescent, marred by cloud, is a thing of beauty yet I’m fearful of what will trigger the next spiral. I feel I’m just playing a waiting game…

I guess I need to enjoy, make the most of, and seize the day at hand. Focus should be on how to exploit these good times and continue the growth I was getting on so well with before the bad times stuck their nose in. As if a blip, or singular scratch on a CD, continuing on with the song and finish what has been started.

So that is what I intend to do. Look at how far I’ve come. A crumpled lump, a mental and physical mess on my brother’s sofa, to where I am now. A gym going, lifestyle changing conqueror. The ‘me’ I almost enjoy looking at in the mirror, the ‘me’ that loves to cook, garden and progress day by day.

Don’t let the down days, or fear of what may happen next, slow you down. Take each day as it comes. Blips happen, shit happens and the fight is what will make you stronger. Enjoy today, tomorrow is a day away and always will be!

Smile, always.

Daily drivel #5….a return from the abyss….

I haven’t written for a while. It’s been a strange few days as far as inspiration is concerned, a blank and empty abyss!

When I thought words could be written, they would disappear. An empty notebook, a vision in my head, even the lines were a blur. A dramatic and uncomfortable thought that this could be it, no more words left to write, no more feelings in which to share. A frightening prospect, writing has been something of a saviour, a release from torment and fear.

To finally have something to write about…the thought of not being able to…felt like Christmas morning when I was a child. As letters, words, sentences started to appear, a face aching smile firmly planted itself on my face! If I listened carefully I could probably hear the crinkling of wrapping paper and the tones of Wizard playing in the background. All I needed was the smell of roast turkey and cranberry sauce!

With all this being said, I hope the inspiration for writing continues. Just a steady flow, even a trickle, just to keep my spirits up and avoid that abyss…

Sam…more than a brother….

My brother has always been a vision of calm. A role model I still strive to follow. Throughout my life, I’ve looked up to Sam, smiled at his presence in my life and his gentle, unimposing nature.

We may have fought as children, the odd spat here and there, but he has always been someone I’ve strived to emulate. From teens until now we’re best friends. From comfortable silences to incoherent rambles, times of difficulty to moments of synchronised merriment and glee.

His struggles have been from childhood, never really knowing what was wrong, he went from day to day, year after year. With several diagnoses not coming until his late 20’s to early 30’s, his fight has always been in silence. We knew he wasn’t well, the lack of knowledge hindered the help we could offer, it’s heart breaking when I look back. The confusion & frustration must have been unbearable.

As I sit here today with my own struggles, he never fails to make me smile when frowns are all I can muster. He continues to portray a man I would like to be, and if I could take his battle from him, I would do so in a heartbeat.

There is so much more I could write, I cannot praise and stress enough how important you are to me! So this is to you, Sam, never change who you are, you’re more than a brother, more than a best friend, an inspiration of how people should be. I hope I can be half as inspiring and influential to you as you have been for me.

Love you bruder, keep smiling 😊 xx

Jibber-jabber at dawn #3….

Birds are tweeting outside my window, many different chirps from an array of species. It’s an amazing sound. Makes me think of my grandad. He loved his garden and all the birds in it. A finch here, a wagtail there and the resident woodpecker.

After putting up bird feeders in the garden, the flocks have once again returned. I could sit and watch for hours.

This being said, there’s gardening to do…..well the dismantling of a shed anyway. This should be fun, especially as I have no idea what I’m doing. I think that’s the best part though, learning as you go. Many mistakes teach many lessons….or so I hope.

Learning as I go seems to be a regular path within this latest chapter of my life. Building a table from spare wood we had lying around. Measuring and sawing, to using a planer and a sander. Then to the paint, one coat, then two. With perfection an aim I hold dear, I had to accept I wouldn’t get it, however I knew I’d learn and feel a sense of achievement. And I did.

After building a bird feeder from chicken wire and off cuts, then a plant pot feeder and fixing some broken tools, my next job is to dismantle. This isn’t just because I’m a destructive so-and-so, more a need for more wood to build and make new things! Plus the shed ain’t plum. Tis a leaning, warped giant spider web encased in perfectly reusable materials.

Positivity is a rainbow above my head today. Let’s crack on and bring down these walls! ‘Shed…you WILL be conquered!’

Nightly notion #3….

To sleep or not to sleep…..isn’t the question. I already know the answer.

No need to fret or waste this time, let’s write! Other than this nugget of nonsense, I’m delving in to my novel. With the general plot and a good character base, I’m fairly deep in to a gripping hook that I hope will continue to excite me.

With a few emotional and thought provoking chapters (if I do say so myself), I’m really eager to continue with the current chapter in which twists, action and unexpected occurrences are keeping me on my toes. I just hope, one day, others will read it and feel the same.

The only problem now is, am I going to get to sleep at all? Concentrating and thinking intently, I’m evading sleep even further. Silly me. At least I’m getting something done. I’ll catch a few hours, no doubt when the sun begins to smile…

Daily drivel #2….

With the gardening rained off, I’m at a loose end. I’m thinking I should shut myself in the garage and build….. something…..

How about a bird table? Or a nice big planter? How’s about both?

I find myself doing this regularly of late. Granted in recent weeks I’ve been escaping the heat. So why not escape the rain. With lengths of wood just scattered between shed and garage, I’ve already built a garden table, and absolutely loved doing so.

I’m not sure if it’s the labour or the precision of measuring that has me hooked. But either way with busy days means a busy yet uncluttered head. The action at hand doing it’s very best to own the thinking portion of my brain.

So today I’ll build. Build something physical and build on the last few positive days. With a poor attempt at a gym session yesterday my only blip, I’ll build on the positivity and not let the rain wash it away 😊